Too much of a good thing

Said Bye to Fifi yesterday, and got home last night to find a message from her saying the flight had been cancelled. Fucking Jetstar. So we met up today and had a brief sojourn in Meat Market Shinjuku, before I sent her away again. Two sets of goodbyes, two sets of tears. I was having a blast till yesterday, but her leaving made me feel very alone and vulnerable. Not a good look in a big city, and the energy required to navigate. Felt beaten today, but fortunately now I am home with tea and music.

We had had such an exhilarating time, everything she wanted to do we did, and we kept on discovering wondrous things wherever we went...giant porcelain fair in Ueno, super fish markets and astounding masses of people everywhere. The beauty stick keeps flying! Monday night we got dressed up and went to the Golden Gai, that quarter of bars that I had visited with Mohan. We found an English speaking one and went in. Cool jazz, a very drunk older businessman who LOVED Fiona, and who bought us drinks, but it was still Y9,000...but we had some laughs and I got to try hot shochu which was very nice indeed. Everyone in the bar was talking to us, and making friends, it really is like going into some one's lounge-room, but there happen to be 100 or so to choose from. Wow.
We went to another bar, just to have one for the road, and I had a mystical experience. Transcendental actually. They were playing awesome Flamenco records, yes vinyl, and I think we just had one beer, but something whirred inside me and I got pretty dizzy, the music, the liquor, the steam of the small dishes the bar man cooking for us, I can't explain, I just have never felt a feeling like it, almost dangerous, and full-on. There is something here, something so massive, such a plethora of energy I felt like I'd taken in too much and it was trying to get out...oh dear, it couldn't just have been the booze, I have drunk plenty in my life, this shook me to the core. I wasn't sick or anything, just very very strange and weird.
Felt fine the next day though, till the evening after Fi left and the rattling began again.
Met up with Morisan and Lina, from the Yanaka dancers and we went to Nippori-Ginza, the local shopping strip there for some tucker before the dancing. Such a beautiful area, very old and not too crowded, with the most civilised market stalls selling all manner of delicacies. Really, life can be very good here, it is so evolved and civilised...but of course you need money.
The moon was full and it was bitterly cold, but clear and special. A group of passerbys stopped and joined the dance, making the evening even more special and dynamic. Four young men, I think film students, and a woman with a video camera. So much great luck here; they were just wandering around shooting movies! They were each incredible dancers and picked up the ideas immediately, developing many arrangements in time and space. I am in awe, and simply grateful I have eyes to see with. After we had dinner, my second, they wandered off for a night of discovery.
'Ichigo ichie', this moment in time, only this present time is important, seize the moment! Live in the moment!
I am fully exhausted by moments and just need to be dull and lie low for a few days.
Morisan lent me his books on old Japanese art and tonight I am going to try and channel some of that beauty into my tired head, maybe I will dream of scrolls.
Its funny, with her leaving and now is the halfway point of my sojourn, I started to miss Oz again, and think of some of the things there I am in love with. People and the nature. I saw a bottle brush tree flowering in Nippori and felt nostalgic for the first time. I had been wondering why there are no gum trees here, as their beauty is so major, and has an Asian sensibility. I miss those trees.