Thursday, December 17, 2009

Ichigo ichie






Leaving was hard, but my last day was golden. I cleaned the house and did the best yoga session I have ever done, arriving at new developments exquisitely. Two hours of action and I was so relaxed. Went to Nippori and met Izumi and Morisan to go to a sushi bar where you can drink as much as you like for Y500. And that we did, so from 2pm till 5, we ate and drank shochu with tea. Yum. Wonderful company, great food, and not enough time. Lina came and met us, and then Morisan and her took me to the airport, where we hit one last bar. It was so good to have them with me, and when I went through security, I nearly turned back. I wanted to, with every fibre in my being, but I am sensible and went forward and faced what I have to face.
Time is now, in the moment, enjoy the moment, be in the moment. Every moment matters, and existence is a sequence.
I am back in Oz, after flying over the stars and seeing the sun rise from the airplane. Fanatic fan of airplane window.
Cairns airport;

Absolutely great to see PJ, and when I got home I was like, 'this isn't too bad'.
So that time is over, but while it is still fresh in my mind I want to savour it, and love it, and relish it.
I am so grateful for what they all taught and shared with me. I am so so so happy I met wonderful people who I could connect with on so many levels and who I love, and who I want to work with in the future. We have plans!
I slept on my soba pillow last night, like a baby, the crunching of the Japanese chaff like wind in the trees, and love in my heart. Thank you Mihune, thank you every one. I feel forever changed.
Enjoy the moments...

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Profound

Ian McEwan
Saturday

Following Rosalind’s mother’s death…

“Happiness seemed like a betrayal of principle, but happiness was unavoidable.”


Stations in life;

“How restful it must once have been, in another age, to be prosperous and believe that an all-knowing supernatural force had allotted people to their stations in life. And not see how the belief served your own prosperity – a form of anosognosia, a useful psychiatric term for a lack of awareness of one’s own condition. Now we think we do see, how do things stand? After the ruinous experiments of the lately deceased century, after so much vile behaviour, so many deaths, a queasy agnosticism has settled around these matters of justice and redistributed wealth. No more big ideas. The world must improve, if at all, by tiny steps. People must take an existential view – having to sweep streets for a living looks like simple bad luck. It’s not a visionary age. The streets need to be clean. Let the unlucky enlist.”

Not much to say

A bit overwhelmed. Last night in Tokyo. Last performance with Yanaka group for the year.
Went to Izumi's dress rehearsal for a performance she is doing on Saturday, terribly good, and very moving. Made me cry twice. Great new gallery, run by Keiko Kamma. Keiko was on keyboards, and the experience was superb. Great artist as well, could really relate to what I saw.
Dinner afterwards at the wonderful Bandai restaurant, the place we first went to Hori who performed with us as well came and later, Gotto, a bhutto dancer came. So many shochu drinks, I don't know. Pretty legless on the way home. Watched the video I filmed and it's better than I thought it would be.
All I know is I was trying to be in the moment, but tense, and once again shy at intervening. Morisan had asked everyone to bring objects with them, one from far away and one close by for me to place in the space. Great idea, and needed many hours to develop. I would've liked the performance to continue.
Hm.
Said goodbye to Hiharu and that was very sad.
Getting on plane tomorrow, but am meeting the others for sushi and sake beforehand. See you in Oz folks. Beach and bush time.
Love xxx

Monday, December 14, 2009

Hanging man

Well I finally made it to Kunitachi to see this famous action. We sat in his small yard on wooden benches, after picking up a cut piece of styrofoam to provide comfort, and a wee bit of warmth. Very cold tonight. He was inside his wooden house, I could see shadows of him through the glass, and hear beautiful Japanese music playing. He came out dressed in red trousers, a red polo neck shirt with a white blouse over the top, and began his gentle silent movements through the garden area. This consisted of a few straggly trees, one tall thin bamboo, and a shrub that had gone brown and dried. The fences were lined with blue tarps, old ones, very frayed and some parts spray-painted with silver.
His presence was so sincere and delicate, minimal but exploratory. I felt the wind and watched him react. Action, reaction, honouring and moving slowly and carefully, knowing each centimeter of the ground he was covering. He seemed to pay special heed to the dried shrub, taking it's energy and giving it back. Near this was a square hole, dug into the earth. At it's edge stood an iron anvil, and over this was a beam, with hooks. There were lights positioned on the house to illuminate the space, and we could hear the outside world operating, sirens and occasional footsteps penetrating the silence. Otherwise it was completely quiet bar the wind in the trees.
Taksan explored the space, and then he climbed back into the house, tentatively I noticed...almost as though he was uncertain about it. He came back with a woven rope, red, with a hook on one end.
Let me say I was worried about seeing this seminal part, but also curious, as the Yanaka group had raved so much about him, and after meeting him, I was interested but still a bit scared. He hung the rope, then he hung by the neck for something like 5 minutes, maybe 10. Such trmendous strength and such power his profound agility communicating something from deep within, not limp and dead, but alive and beautiful, such unbelievable beauty, I was moved beyond. I felt shame at my discomfort as it was so cold, I felt his pain, but also his strength. Such an older man, so thin, with these worn red trousers, sewn tightly at the back in order to keep them from falling down, hanging by his neck, in a residential neighbourhood, every day for ten years. Ran snow, sleet, whatever. He has been doing it for more than 40 years actually, and this is his concept to bring him to paradise. (Which I take to mean heaven).
His weakness after hanging was apparent, and he fortified himself with more movement, energy gradually returning...it was amazing. To sit in such a humble yard and to see something so profound, it was just greatness.
After his actions, we all went inside and sat around a heated table, with a big comforter over it, to warm our legs, and drank shochu with tea and ate lovely things made by his partner, Mika, who I have written about before, the greatest dancer in Japan. We discussed the work, and drank and ate and smoked, and then they sang for me! Old Japanese songs, and Izumi's voice rang out like a clear bell of beauty. I saw the light come from her, and felt the love and just thought, this is it!!! This is the truth, this is life, this is paradise, and I can't stress that more.
"Correspondence", that's what Taksan said, in English, and I understood completely. This world I am privvy to is what I came to Japan for, I know it, and my fortune is finding it, and being in it. His intelligence seeps from him, because he knows.
He said strength was what life was about, which I take to mean resilience. I said I thought he was dancing to the tune of the wind, and he said he was. I asked if the neighbours knew what went on behind the fence, that there was such a great thing going on, each night, such a powerful thing, such a thing that was so private, yet public...they said shush, don't tell them!
What incredibleness I have experienced here, it is real, but it still feels like a dream. We came home on the train full of bliss and gratitude. I fucken' love it here. The contrasts and the fortitiude, the mad energy and the utter opposite. So much action, so much reaction, so much sealed up, mystery...I am so curious, I want to know about it all, delve into the dark reaches...terrific! Truly blown away, and ready for more! Great men, great women, greatness. As Ali G says, "much respect".

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Golden Brown


New Zealand horse in 400 year old 3 monkey temple
Astounding rock at waterfall
Four monkeys
Just got back from
a wondrous weekend in Nikko, a faraway place, with the Yanaka group. We stayed in an inn with natural springs, outdoor hot baths, in the snow, in an amazingly untouched mountain region. We saw 2 monkeys on the mountain
Four sisters
All I can say is, it was fantastic.

We went for soaks before dinner, after dinner, and in the morning, soaking and having a beautiful time. We ate food from heaven, I cannot describe, just super super super, and so much, and so super! We drank the best sake made in Japan, the gift from Mifune, and had such fun, all 'sleeping' together in one room, I haven't had a slumber party in I don't know how long, and sleep was not on the cards for me. I got to watch them all slumber, such beauties, and I saw the stars, and watched the trees dance in the night's wind, in the snow, and sit by the stove drinking beer and eating rice balls perfectly crafted by Izumi, talking to Lina, and I am happy.

In the morning we went for a walk in a beautiful swamp, in colours identical to JP's Hawkesbury hideaway swamps, on a raised wooden track and when we got to where we were going, dancing occurred in the silence of absolute beauty, I filmed and then we got back in the car and had lunch, and came back to Tokyo. Such a wonderful day, so tired now, so satisfied, so full of the entirety. A trip of wonder.
To return to the immensity of Tokyo, I am refreshed, and even got an older woman to smile at me on the train.
Life is simply experience. You have to live it. And love it.


Friday, December 11, 2009

Dialogue

Spent the afternoon at Rebecca Horn's awesome show at the MCA, Tokyo, an enormous and beautiful gallery space. Incredible work, so profound, so much I had only seen in books, but to see in real life was sensational. I went with Izumi and Hiharu, and we had a ball. It's the first museum visit I have made with friends in all this time, and I so miss having someone to discuss works with. I had no concept of the magnitude of her work, especially the older pieces, screened in giant halls, fascinating. Deep, and troubling and so good. I learnt alot today, and feel humble, but understand so much other work through this.
Terribly rainy, so we rain-checked our outdoor performance, and went for delicious ramen. I was so hungry and cold, and these noodles were so fortifying and good. Home now for an early night, pack for the weekend away. My last weekend, and thankfully not alone. I really miss company. Its great to see my new friends but to go home to an empty house feels like a let-down. I still have so much to share, so much I want to talk about... so the computer and my Ipod get a good pounding.
It is too wet to go back out and connect, I am going to bed with Kafka.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Too excited

The city energy? My energy? Crazy! I woke up at 3am, really thinking it might be 6am, but it wasn't. Have resorted to hot milk, to try and calm down! Yuck. The art of self-soothing...in Sydney I know how to do that, but here, I am a restless baby.
The strangest thing is I don't feel tired. Those 3 hours felt sufficient. Dreamt of complicated mountain paths and a temple which was under guard. It closed in the evening, and I kept sneaking back and hiding from the guards so I could look at the beautiful pond some more. In the vending machines here, there are these plastic bubbles with toys and stuff in them, in the dream pond, people had been casting these into the water, and the water was filled with them. What was beautiful was that when you threw the bubble into the water it lit up for a short time, so you could see underwater, and it was criminally beautiful. I wanted to do this over and over, and was ducking behind rocks to try and do it again. The valleys around me were filled with ghosts, and I was being taught what it all meant. A culmination of my experiences here? It makes sense to me. I am witness to the leaves going from green to rust, and now they are falling, the paths in this park seen from the building I work in have previously been hidden and now they reveal themselves to me.
What I love about here, is I am not plagued by the ghosts of Sydney. All those things seem very far away, as they are. But I am still haunted by other things. Maybe it is just being alive causes these thoughts, and as I get older, I become more aware...
I am thinking that yes this is a mammoth city, but whats funny is how many times I have seen the same gaijin people. Quite a few times! It is probably that we are all on the same tourist paths, but I recognise a number of faces now! Funny. We kind of nod, but it is still awkward (at least for me!) I wonder why I am embarrassed to see them. Is it that their round eyes generally signify our heritage and I acknowledge that but do not want to say 'hey buddy, we're from the West, huh?!', I don't know...when it's a woman on her own we usually exchange a small smile and nod, but if it's a couple of people, no way! They don't exist, but they do! I remember living in New York and having this issue, and even in Australia. In cites, how much do you acknowledge your fellow folk? In the country it is easy, you hold up your hand if you drive past someone, and mostly say g'day to passer-byes. I like that. We are all here, I can see them, and they can see me, whats wrong with acknowledging that?
So, so, so.
At New Year's here, you have the chance of expelling 108 different bad things from yourself. Cleanse and purify, it seems through sake, temples and eating pure Japanese food for 4 days I think. I would like to try this.
I am dreading the thought of leaving all these restaurants and bars behind. My ass wants to sit in each and every one, sampling their delights. Hm.