I saw

a parking ranger not give a ticket to an illegally parked car today, 'cos the owner came out of the cafe screaming blue murder, and couldn't walk easily. I was out the front and everyone stopped and watched, while he re-neged based on her rage. It was a great coup as he negated the ticket and walked off. No-one had ever seen such a thing. Unfortunately 2 of the people I was with both got parking fines.
I'm talking to every person I come across, I am meeting strangers every day and they are all special. I even interrupted strangers to talk to them! I can't believe we all speak the same language, and how nice most people are...friendly and open...it warms my heart. At the beach the other day, there were pleasant smiles and exchanges and I understood everything! It is great to communicate easily, and have a laugh. I used to take this so for granted but now I treasure it.
The funny thing is other years when I have returned from overseas, I have had the same feeling, but it wasn't so consistent, I was much more inhibited. It would only last a day or two, and then get wiped by circumstances. I have been home for two weeks now, and it is still a thrill. I want it to go on.

The cicadas in the trees make such beautiful music, and this year our frogs in the garden have multiplied, so it sounds like a rhythmic session of wooden boxes all aclutter at night, especially when it rains. There is a dead lorikeet on the power lines outside the house though, I ,must get it down, it was electrocuted the other night, and breaks my heart each time I see it.
This time of year is so divine in Sydney, so many people on holidays, so much laughter and ease in the air.
I feel happy, as I know so much beauty and my world has expanded to Japan. I look at the maps and see where we are all situated, and the trough around Japan, it is fascinating. And I found fresh tofu. The Koreans, bless them, they have it!
It is New Year's Eve today, I intend to live as well as I can, and celebrate tonight on top of the hill at Sydney Park with friends and neighbours. I am not going to drink too much, I need to channel peace, and good and prepare myself for the amazing year ahead. I think I am going to begin my garden action on the 1st January, so if anyone wants to drop around after 8pm on Friday evening, you will find me out the back, in situ.
Love. 愛

"Travelling alone...

...is confronting and stressful. No-one else to take your thoughts off the sagas, no other input or distractions, just you on your own with your evil thoughts, needs, wants, desires, your past, your present, your lack of others for confirmation and approval, what awaits you, your unrequited loves. My huge love for bamboo and hate for the sound of plastic bags rattling around me, and then my absolutely pathetic self absorption and worst of all self-pity."

I wrote that on a bad day whilst travelling around Japan, and just found it in a notebook and it made me laugh.

The other day I was waiting at Town Hall and heard some beautiful singing. In the rear of the foyer, I saw hands upstretched and a Chinese song was being sung by a beautiful woman all dressed in white. She was on her own, praising the world and giving the world her wondrous clear voice. I praised her and she took my hands and blessed me.

Aussie dance

I was asked if any comparative dance (as in Yanaka), happened in Australia, and I had to answer no unfortunately. But yesterday on the beach I was watching the movement along the beach, and the ritualistic devotion that many indulge in, and I guess that it is a form of dance. It is public, it involves the body and the mind, it generates wonderful feelings, it is done as often as possible, weather permitting, it is a sanctuary, and it is very very good.
Standing up and lying down
I so get into sand. I remember as a child it being my favourite play thing, a building tool, a drawing board, it reacts to your touch, is hot on top, and when you dig it gets cooler and wet, and sometimes you find a treasure.
I have seen microscopic photos of sand, and the miniature shells and quartz that make it's substance, enthralling.
Yesterday I just dug myself into it, I couldn't stop enjoying the sensation of it against my skin, I lay covered, like a moron, groaning with pleasure. And then when it gets too much, back in the liquid green glass to cleanse.

It is fucking great.

Blessings from the deep sea

The size of humans

Back in gargantuan land, I really notice it every day. Men towering over me, by more than a few inches, gigantic people taking up half the pavement, not being able to see over the shoulders of almost everybody...this is the world that I'm supposedly accustomed to, yet it seems all strange and different. The pumped up muscle men, jeez, I saw about 50 tattooed muscley arms in the first few days, and whats more, they all had the same exact tattoos! In this world of zillions of pictures, how can so many people choose the same?
Giant hairy legs, and pregnant looking males. Of course many actually pregnant women, but compared to Japan, their stomachs look twice if not three times the size.


And the light hair colour! And the hairy faces and arms and chests...it all seems much more obscene, or indecent, in comparison. Flesh! Abundance of flesh everywhere, and wrinkles that show ageing, withered skin, so different. I am not talking about ugliness, it is just a different kind of beauty, the 'lived in' face. The wealth of emotions that carve the lines.
Oh well, at least I am going to find clothes to fit me again. And shoes.
But after only 3 months, it amazes me how my perspective can be changed. I suppose when I go bush even for a few days, that shifts my entire city-outlook.

Walking

Walked to Xmas lunch the other day, traversing suburbs without passing a soul. No-one at all in my way! The city feels deserted, an occasional car, no foot traffic, it astounds me. I could just walk and walk, I have such energy in me I even ran part of the way the other day. Yesterday we went down to Glebe Park, and there were maybe a dozen people around. Granted it was raining, the smell of eucalyptus and all the undergrowth was singing. The mullet were jumping, throwing their silvery bodies into the air, why? Tempting the fishermen? Funny fish.
Walked around the tranquil bay, noticing the gentle peace that emanates from the land meeting the water. Noticing the changes that have occurred down there in the last decade, all those new flats squatting there so un-naturally. Lucky bastards. I love the Anzac Bridge now, since I walked across it, and caught sight of the most sensational public art work in Australia. It is well worth experiencing.
The busiest place in Sydney on Boxing Day would have to be the fish markets, where the eating and swallowing was going on full force. I could negotiate the crowd with my eyes closed after the throngs in Tokyo. Smelling the dull odours of old fat frying and just the sight of those mounds of calamari made me feel queasy. We went to yumcha upstairs and had a nice breakfast overlooking the water. Lovely dumplings hand made and steamed so sweetly in their baskets. I missed that in Japan. But I noticed the difference between Chinese and Japanese people, so much brisker, and less polite. Of course I haven't been to China yet, and look forward to a stint there, to draw yet more comparisons.
The gentle lapping water entered my dreams and was like a lullaby to me. My plan is to take sheets to the beach and build a hollow in the warm sand where I can nestle and sleep in the sun, next to the water.

This is where I want to go in October

Poster on train for Lake Mungo, it has to be experienced.

A week since I left

And I'm dreaming vivid dreams at night of the place and the people. Last night I dreamt of passing thousands of shoppers, I guess I miss the surge of crowds, or the vision of them. I dreamt of the food, and have dreams of Japanese conversations, where the melodious voices natter away and I still understand nothing.
It is nearly as strong a shock returning to Sydney as it was arriving in Tokyo. The warm weather, the light, the sky, the trees...everything looks foreign and incredible! Arriving in Cairns last week I was crestfallen. I just sat in the gutter under a palm tree and cried. The crass voices! The huge, badly dressed people! But friendly and I understood the codes. I just couldn't believe it was over.
Now after a week, I am still acclimatising. I draw comparisons as much as ever and felt like continuing blogging as it is just as vital to observe the process as it develops.
Spent the first few days tracking down food and drink here. Went to the Japanese food store at Town Hall and got many of my favourite staples. Found shochu online, a restaurant in Willoughby sells it, and yesterday I had my first delivery. Sake.net. Three times the price of Japan, and they didn't have the one I loved, but whatever. Had a drink last night of the fire liquid and it went straight to pleasure spot.
By far the most wonderful thing is seeing PJ again. He is so much more handsome and sweet than I remembered. Love again! We have been re-connecting on many levels and yesterday embarked on some much needed kitchen re-haul. He is on holidays for a few weeks so thats fabulous.
The second most fantastic thing is seeing mates again, all the beauties I love so much, and have such a history with.
And the third best thing is the ocean and the trees. PJ and I have been going for walks at dusk and I am worshipping gum trees again. Absolute beauty. The smells in the air of the myriad blossoms and natural oils is exquisite. Carla took me to La Perouse beach on Saturday, and I screamed with joy. The day before yesterday Elvis took me to Maroubra and it was a religious experience. The water was not too cold, there were waves, but they were gentle and the water was spotlessly green, no weeds, no stingers, just liquid glass, and I couldn't stop diving and bobbing and luxuriating. It was heaven, I felt cradled in Mother's arms, so safe and knowledgeable about body positioning in that medium. Wow. It might have been my most perfect swim ever.
But I can't believe Aussie accents, and understanding the language again! I hear my voice and I think it has changed, after these months of straining to be understood, my voice was tired and a higher pitch than usual.
I can't believe how rough and crude it is here. Went into a pub and the wall of noise, the roar of a few dozen giant men bellowing their booming voices, the stink of beer, the echo off the tiles, it was an assault to my ears and senses. So different form the subdued jazz bars and gentle spaces where you booze in Japan. Hm.
We've been riding trains quite successfully as well, not waiting too long, but I really notice how antiquated the system seems, how noisy and filthy...should I bring a cloth and some product and just start cleaning? I don't mind doing a bit.
But the friendliness of strangers and passer-byes is so welcome. Just striking up conversation with practically anyone you encounter is a joy I have missed badly.
Last night Pj and I went out to Lakemba for some Lebanese food. I think it was the first time I felt the strength of this place hit me hard. To be immersed in this variety of cultures, Indian, Muslim, African, Middle Eastern...super. Walking up Haldon Street in search of vittles was sublime, the smells, the heat, the lazy way people walk here, it is so different. And then the meal of fresh bread, pickles and mint, hummous, felafel, chicken and lamb...oh my! My oh my. I have missed tabouleh! So I feel returned now, and am anticipating many more wonders.
A nice beetle

Ichigo ichie

Leaving was hard, but my last day was golden. I cleaned the house and did the best yoga session I have ever done, arriving at new developments exquisitely. Two hours of action and I was so relaxed. Went to Nippori and met Izumi and Morisan to go to a sushi bar where you can drink as much as you like for Y500. And that we did, so from 2pm till 5, we ate and drank shochu with tea. Yum. Wonderful company, great food, and not enough time. Lina came and met us, and then Morisan and her took me to the airport, where we hit one last bar. It was so good to have them with me, and when I went through security, I nearly turned back. I wanted to, with every fibre in my being, but I am sensible and went forward and faced what I have to face.
Time is now, in the moment, enjoy the moment, be in the moment. Every moment matters, and existence is a sequence.
I am back in Oz, after flying over the stars and seeing the sun rise from the airplane. Fanatic fan of airplane window.
Cairns airport;

Absolutely great to see PJ, and when I got home I was like, 'this isn't too bad'.
So that time is over, but while it is still fresh in my mind I want to savour it, and love it, and relish it.
I am so grateful for what they all taught and shared with me. I am so so so happy I met wonderful people who I could connect with on so many levels and who I love, and who I want to work with in the future. We have plans!
I slept on my soba pillow last night, like a baby, the crunching of the Japanese chaff like wind in the trees, and love in my heart. Thank you Mihune, thank you every one. I feel forever changed.
Enjoy the moments...

Profound

Ian McEwan
Saturday

Following Rosalind’s mother’s death…

“Happiness seemed like a betrayal of principle, but happiness was unavoidable.”


Stations in life;

“How restful it must once have been, in another age, to be prosperous and believe that an all-knowing supernatural force had allotted people to their stations in life. And not see how the belief served your own prosperity – a form of anosognosia, a useful psychiatric term for a lack of awareness of one’s own condition. Now we think we do see, how do things stand? After the ruinous experiments of the lately deceased century, after so much vile behaviour, so many deaths, a queasy agnosticism has settled around these matters of justice and redistributed wealth. No more big ideas. The world must improve, if at all, by tiny steps. People must take an existential view – having to sweep streets for a living looks like simple bad luck. It’s not a visionary age. The streets need to be clean. Let the unlucky enlist.”

Not much to say

A bit overwhelmed. Last night in Tokyo. Last performance with Yanaka group for the year.
Went to Izumi's dress rehearsal for a performance she is doing on Saturday, terribly good, and very moving. Made me cry twice. Great new gallery, run by Keiko Kamma. Keiko was on keyboards, and the experience was superb. Great artist as well, could really relate to what I saw.
Dinner afterwards at the wonderful Bandai restaurant, the place we first went to Hori who performed with us as well came and later, Gotto, a bhutto dancer came. So many shochu drinks, I don't know. Pretty legless on the way home. Watched the video I filmed and it's better than I thought it would be.
All I know is I was trying to be in the moment, but tense, and once again shy at intervening. Morisan had asked everyone to bring objects with them, one from far away and one close by for me to place in the space. Great idea, and needed many hours to develop. I would've liked the performance to continue.
Hm.
Said goodbye to Hiharu and that was very sad.
Getting on plane tomorrow, but am meeting the others for sushi and sake beforehand. See you in Oz folks. Beach and bush time.
Love xxx

Hanging man

Well I finally made it to Kunitachi to see this famous action. We sat in Takusan's small yard on wooden benches, after picking up a cut piece of styrofoam to provide comfort, and a wee bit of warmth. Very cold tonight. He was inside his wooden house, I could see shadows of him through the glass, and hear beautiful Japanese music playing. He came out dressed in red trousers, a red polo neck shirt with a white blouse over the top, and began his gentle silent movements through the garden area. This consisted of a few straggly trees, one tall thin bamboo, and a shrub that had gone brown and dried. The fences were lined with blue tarps, old ones, very frayed and some parts spray-painted with silver.
His presence was so sincere and delicate, minimal but exploratory. I felt the wind and watched him react. Action, reaction, honouring and moving slowly and carefully, knowing each centimeter of the ground he was covering. He seemed to pay special heed to the dried shrub, taking it's energy and giving it back. Near this was a square hole, dug into the earth. At it's edge stood an iron anvil, and over this was a beam, with hooks. There were lights positioned on the house to illuminate the space, and we could hear the outside world operating, sirens and occasional footsteps penetrating the silence. Otherwise it was completely quiet bar the wind in the trees.
Taksan explored the space, and then he climbed back into the house, tentatively I noticed...almost as though he was uncertain about it. He came back with a woven rope, red, with a hook on one end.
Let me say I was worried about seeing this seminal part, but also curious, as the Yanaka group had raved so much about him, and after meeting him, I was interested but still a bit scared. He hung the rope, then he hung by the neck for something like 5 minutes, maybe 10. Such trmendous strength and such power his profound agility communicating something from deep within, not limp and dead, but alive and beautiful, such unbelievable beauty, I was moved beyond. I felt shame at my discomfort as it was so cold, I felt his pain, but also his strength. Such an older man, so thin, with these worn red trousers, sewn tightly at the back in order to keep them from falling down, hanging by his neck, in a residential neighbourhood, every day for ten years. Rain, snow, sleet, whatever. He had been doing it for more than 40 years actually, and this is his concept to bring him to paradise. (Which I take to mean heaven).
His weakness after hanging was apparent, and he fortified himself with more movement, energy gradually returning...it was amazing. To sit in such a humble yard and to see something so profound, it was just greatness.
After his actions, we all went inside and sat around a heated table, with a big comforter over it, to warm our legs, and drank shochu with tea and ate lovely things made by his partner, Mika, who I have written about before, the greatest dancer in Japan. We discussed the work, and drank and ate and smoked, and then they sang for me! Old Japanese songs, with dear Izumi's voice ringing out like a clear bell of beauty. I saw the light come from her, and felt the love and just thought, this is it!!! This is the truth, this is life, this is paradise, and I can't stress that more.
"Correspondence", that's what Taksan said, in English, and I understood completely. This world I am privvy to is what I came to Japan for, I know it, and my fortune is finding it, and being in it. His intelligence seeps from him, because he knows.
He said strength was what life was about. I said I thought he was dancing to the tune of the wind, and he said he was. I asked if the neighbours knew what went on behind the fence, that there was such a great thing going on, each night, such a powerful thing, such a thing that was so private, yet public...they said shush, don't tell them!
What incredibleness I have experienced here, it is real, but it still feels like a dream. We came home on the train full of bliss and gratitude. I love it here. The contrasts and the fortitiude, the mad energy and the utter opposite. So much action, so much reaction, so much sealed up, mystery...I am so curious, I want to know more, delve into the dark reaches...terrific! Truly blown away. Great men, great women, greatness. As Ali G says, "much respect".

Golden Brown

New Zealand horse in 400 year old 3 monkey temple
Astounding rock at waterfall
Four monkeys
Just got back from
a wondrous weekend in Nikko, a faraway place, with the Yanaka group. We stayed in an inn with natural springs, outdoor hot baths, in the snow, in an amazingly untouched mountain region. We saw 2 monkeys on the mountain
Four sisters
All I can say is, it was fantastic.

We went for soaks before dinner, after dinner, and in the morning, soaking and having a beautiful time. We ate food from heaven, I cannot describe, just super super super, and so much, and so super! We drank the best sake made in Japan, the gift from Mifune, and had such fun, all 'sleeping' together in one room, I haven't had a slumber party in I don't know how long, and sleep was not on the cards for me. I got to watch them all slumber, such beauties, and I saw the stars, and watched the trees dance in the night's wind, in the snow, and sit by the stove drinking beer and eating rice balls perfectly crafted by Izumi, talking to Lina, and I am happy.

In the morning we went for a walk in a beautiful swamp, in colours identical to JP's Hawkesbury hideaway swamps, on a raised wooden track and when we got to where we were going, dancing occurred in the silence of absolute beauty, I filmed and then we got back in the car and had lunch, and came back to Tokyo. Such a wonderful day, so tired now, so satisfied, so full of the entirety. A trip of wonder.
To return to the immensity of Tokyo, I am refreshed, and even got an older woman to smile at me on the train.
Life is simply experience. You have to live it. And love it.

Dialogue

Spent the afternoon at Rebecca Horn's awesome show at the MCA, Tokyo, an enormous and beautiful gallery space. Incredible work, so profound, so much I had only seen in books, but to see in real life was sensational. I went with Izumi and Hiharu, and we had a ball. It's the first museum visit I have made with friends in all this time, and I so miss having someone to discuss works with. I had no concept of the magnitude of her work, especially the older pieces, screened in giant halls, fascinating. Deep, and troubling and so good. I learnt alot today, and feel humble, but understand so much other work through this.
Terribly rainy, so we rain-checked our outdoor performance, and went for delicious ramen. I was so hungry and cold, and these noodles were so fortifying and good. Home now for an early night, pack for the weekend away. My last weekend, and thankfully not alone. I really miss company. Its great to see my new friends but to go home to an empty house feels like a let-down. I still have so much to share, so much I want to talk about... so the computer and my Ipod get a good pounding.
It is too wet to go back out and connect, I am going to bed with Kafka.

Too excited

The city energy? My energy? Crazy! I woke up at 3am, really thinking it might be 6am, but it wasn't. Have resorted to hot milk, to try and calm down! Yuck. The art of self-soothing...in Sydney I know how to do that, but here, I am a restless baby.
The strangest thing is I don't feel tired. Those 3 hours felt sufficient. Dreamt of complicated mountain paths and a temple which was under guard. It closed in the evening, and I kept sneaking back and hiding from the guards so I could look at the beautiful pond some more. In the vending machines here, there are these plastic bubbles with toys and stuff in them, in the dream pond, people had been casting these into the water, and the water was filled with them. What was beautiful was that when you threw the bubble into the water it lit up for a short time, so you could see underwater, and it was criminally beautiful. I wanted to do this over and over, and was ducking behind rocks to try and do it again. The valleys around me were filled with ghosts, and I was being taught what it all meant. A culmination of my experiences here? It makes sense to me. I am witness to the leaves going from green to rust, and now they are falling, the paths in this park seen from the building I work in have previously been hidden and now they reveal themselves to me.
What I love about here, is I am not plagued by the ghosts of Sydney. All those things seem very far away, as they are. But I am still haunted by other things. Maybe it is just being alive causes these thoughts, and as I get older, I become more aware...
I am thinking that yes this is a mammoth city, but whats funny is how many times I have seen the same gaijin people. Quite a few times! It is probably that we are all on the same tourist paths, but I recognise a number of faces now! Funny. We kind of nod, but it is still awkward (at least for me!) I wonder why I am embarrassed to see them. Is it that their round eyes generally signify our heritage and I acknowledge that but do not want to say 'hey buddy, we're from the West, huh?!', I don't know...when it's a woman on her own we usually exchange a small smile and nod, but if it's a couple of people, no way! They don't exist, but they do! I remember living in New York and having this issue, and even in Australia. In cites, how much do you acknowledge your fellow folk? In the country it is easy, you hold up your hand if you drive past someone, and mostly say g'day to passer-byes. I like that. We are all here, I can see them, and they can see me, whats wrong with acknowledging that?
So, so, so.
At New Year's here, you have the chance of expelling 108 different bad things from yourself. Cleanse and purify, it seems through sake, temples and eating pure Japanese food for 4 days I think. I would like to try this.
I am dreading the thought of leaving all these restaurants and bars behind. My ass wants to sit in each and every one, sampling their delights. Hm.

Long, THIN island

I think eating fish from deep waters makes the spirit of this place, the deeper the fish, the more worldly, in latitude, and in longitude. So when you consume this deep water freshness, you also indulge in what 'otherness' that fish/sea creature indulges in...another mysterious world. People may not think about it at all, but I think this is the case. Maybe people take it for granted, but I am part of the indulgence, and aware, super-aware, and I see it, I am witness. When I ingest these delicately carved morsels of freshness, I am with the fish. It becomes part of me, and I am grateful.
I watched the sashimi being prepared yesterday, in such quiet. It was like a religious ritual, the many fish to unwrap from their silent cloths, their flesh carved perfectly, their placement on the plate, exactitudes...the chef washing in between cuts, and wiping and washing the board, the knife, his hands moulding the wasabi...I am in awe!
Had my very last class with the ladies, and gave them a small gift; it's some sort of biscuit in the shape of a Buddha, and the inside has brains of red bean.
They gave me so many presents, I was very touched, I have learnt so much from them.
Last night was Lina and Morisan's duet at a gallery in Ginza, Gallery Sol. Finding the place caused me much grief, but of course I got there eventually. I hate Ginza, what conspicuous consumption, status crap and sickening. But to find it and meet the artist, Ayako Wakamiya, was super. Her work was so great, and their performance was incredible. I haven't seen them do much indoors, and to be in relationship with the works on the wall was awesome. I can't explain, it must be experienced, but the hour or so that they performed felt like 5 minutes, and I didn't want it to end. I am obsessed. The night before I went and watched their rehearsal, seeing the work progress to such a degree is a gift.
Went for some lovely Taiwanese food afterwards, and had some beers and a drink made with tea, I dug that in a big way. I said "order what you want", and they did, and I ate bits of it all, even the innards I enjoyed, even the black fucken eggs! I thought they were eggplant, and I guess in a way they are.
Today's mission was finding a pair of comfy shoes. I have worn THROUGH 2 pairs since being here, and it is essential to have something I can wear. Took me 6 hours, and many god-damned stores, maybe 50 pairs I tried on. I don't even like them but they will do. Curse their small sizes. Curse the attitudes of many sales staff who presume I am a Yank. Have I said already how vital it is that you establish your nationality initially?
Sad, but justified. Very loaded past relationship.
I note that not a day has gone by without seeing someone with a measuring tape, doing the measurements, it doesn't surprise me, it is just funny.
I heard MGMT playing in a store, and when I commented the ladies cocked their heads in such a way...it is an expression all in itself.

Salt on the doorstep
Glad to be back home, glad the computer is behaving, glad that I had 6 of the tastiest gigantic-est scallops on rice with vegetables for $6. I didn't know what they were but thought I'd try them. YUM.
Tomorrow, Rebecca Horn at the MCA-TOKYO! I am going with Hiharu and Izumi, and then to Hanging man performance. This is the gentleman who does the cauterisation. Very interested to see what he does.

Lambies await me.

Sorry, dreams:

Dreamt of unguents, creams and lotions. Strange things I was putting on my face, I didn't know what they were, it was all in Japanese.
Then another dream of being on a bus, at the front, and not having any pants on, but it wasn't bad, I was getting up and bending over, smiling and saying "Sorry I don't have any pants on", and someone at the back of the bus called out "we don't mind!"
Then a real doozy, very complicated, but profound, set here again, but in the past, post-war...bombed out buildings, and queues of war-torn individuals. I was in a line, trailing out a building, to get something to drink. When I get to the counter, a man gives me tea, and I don't speak the language and try to pay, it is exorbitant, and I am rifling through my bag to find money, and someone taps me on the shoulder and says it is alright, he has given this to me and paid for it himself. I am looking at him, and he is the embodiment of Buddha...I somehow know this.
Then to top it all off, no kidding, I dreamt of a beautiful thick roast lamb sandwich, on white bread, with lots of mint sauce...yum.
Tokyo energy is so mega. I still find myself dazzled, and pinching myself to really believe I am here. One week to go.

Modern world I've got plans to meet you

All day I listen to this song, about savages meeting and going out and coming home again...it is so meaningful, I lick my finger and pick up my ash, and feel I don't have to ASK why. It is joy to live, and be alive, To listen to profound music, to know the people I know, savages, I am lucky beyond my knowing. People go out and people go home again, don't ask why, they build things high. I have plans to meet you...
Please WAIT.
Cancel.
Don't ask why.

Baku

On Saturday, the beautiful blue cloths started coming down.
Baku is the Japanese word for the tapir, according to one website. The Eater of Dreams. It was believed evil dreams were caused by evil spirits, and if the baku devoured an evil dream it might change to good fortune. A peasant waking from an ill slumber could cry, "Devour, O Baku! devour my evil dream." In the second Urusei Yatsura movie, Beautiful Dreamer, Baku is portrayed as a piglet in daily form and companion of Mujaki, a little man dressed as a magician and called the Dream Demon. While Mujaki's job is to create the dreams or desires of individuals and make the a reality, Baku can be summoned at any time to eat the dream and thus take the person back to reality. Baku here is a neutral entity. The baku in Megumi Tachikawa's manga Yume Kui Annai Nin has a cute, animal appearance (a tapir) and is friendly and helpful. In the case of the Baku shown in the first episode of the Vampire Princess Miyu OAV, he lives within dreams and is a dark creature preying on humans.
I saw a Baku yesterday at a temple where no photography was permitted, a strange doglike creature with 9 eyes, 3 on it's forehead and 3 on each side of it's belly. It was attributed to ancient Chinese. When I read about it, I gasped, because my nightmares feel like they have been eaten. I have always been plagued by nightmares, not every week or anything, but every now and then, throughout my life. But since being here, I have had 3, but each one has turned out convivially. I don't want to jinx my luck, but this is a serious improvement, and I am very grateful for it. I like that Baku, and honour whatever has gone on to convert my night horrors into passing pleasing tales.

I needed to believe in something

I think I have found it. I was at Asakusa temple today at sunset, and seeing the pagoda against the twilight sky, gold against that awesome blueness, with one star behind it, I was a true believer. I stood in the freezing cold wind, warmed by beauty, my eyes couldn't get enough of that structure, it is like a golden dragon, and rises into the air like this magic apparition, and I feel it inside me.
Once again I feel on the edge of ecstasy, and as I come home I can't stop smiling, because I know all I need to do is continue, and it will be alright.
"Can you feel it? Nature is tenderly surrounding you."
"The nostalgic aroma of nature..."
"Life is graceful when you sit in time ticking slowly."
"It comforts you when you are down and gently untangles tense feelings."
"Can you hear it? The leaf is breathing in the air."
"Calm your mind. Don't forget. Small nature is next to you."
I kid you not, this was printed on a shopping bag I got.