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Human Noise

Hanging Rock, Victoria; Ancient vulcano rock, eroded into super giant sculptures.
Yes, that is the right decision, to stop writing here. I have started a new blog and will post details of that soon enough. I feel good about ending this sequence of writing at this point, and can envelop myself in gum trees and the mystique of this very old land.

Front of Uncertainty

Winter gulls by the pool.
I am uncertain whether to continue this blog or not, it has been petering out, and I think I would like to begin something else, under a new set of thematics. Everything I went through in Japan will always be with me, and I admit I still pore over the images and video that I shot over there, it still fulfills me. I just want to go back! The obsession continues. Something happened to me over there, something extremely deep and strong, and I have that in my heart.
I am full of gratitude for each experience, honestly. But I also need to appreciate the moments here and now.
So so so.

Too much excitement

Can there actually be too much? I don't think so. But it is hurled from above, and taken very seriously by me. Inside I feel I am raging at a constant pace, and then I step out, and it is heightened, shooting me to the moon and stars.
This autumn, the cold weather and events I have been attending are all fuel for awesomeness, how can I explain? Just seizing time and strangling it, and throwing caution to the wind and flying, whirling energy unstoppable, intense but measured, not out of control. I adore being 44, if this is ageing, give it to me!
Highlights were seeing this koto played for a talk given by Japanese living in Australia and making a work visiting Japanese graves around the country and dancing there, "Repose", focusing on kuyo, which is honouring the spirits of the dead...
The Biennale party on Cockatoo Island, a party of great dimensions, too brief, but of excellent proportions.
Daily activities where I nurture myself with yoga and soba noodles, pass time reading and conducting myself in a manner that I am proud of and then evening time where I cut loose and feel a wild untamedness, enjoying a diverse range of people places and actions. It is like Song 2, by BLUR, on repeat.

Sculptures by PJ

Enshrined in ICAN, whittled wood by Peter Jackson.

Green things

The pleasure I got from walking in this bush on Sunday isn't possible to describe. It fed me the greens I was needing and air without car fumes. It was a real up and down climb, past Fishpond and winding through Galston Gorge and further. It was a magic day weather wise with the sun lighting the trees and wondrous ways. Shallow creek beds and golden water moving into greens like dark jade. Bubble trails made by fish or turtles, and an incredible silence, such relief from the pounding of the city. I want to sleep in a room painted these colours.
Janice's father picked us up and we had a lovely meal with her parents and their fat cat, Katie, who hated me.

Red things

Deborah, in her envelope at Amnesty International event forming a life saver on Bondi Beach, Saturday.
Red! It won't stop being important. It keeps poppong up, at parties, in drinks, in every way. Vale Emil Goh, that video of his was so cool, of him chasing after the colour red...whenever I see a postbox I think of him.

Sorry how pretentious

I am a dag. I am just so interested in things and feel so hungry and curious for newness, new knowledge and insight, new lights to spark my greyed matter. The last couple of days have been electric surges, and so vivid. I feel like I am in Japan once more and there are these waves of beauty. You must just slow down and take time to see, appreciate, look and learn. I am grateful.

Ich komme gleich

Wie wunderlich und unglaublich das Welt ist. Ich liebe so viel es macht mich verruckt.
Was kann ich tuen?

Instititute of Contemporary Art Newtown

Last week was art heaven for me, installing my latest show at ICAN. It is called Fatty and Slender; The Hanging Man's house, with sculptures by PJ. It was a pleasure to get the keys, move in and re-create the scenario to the best of my abilities. I found wonderful synchronicity, and attention to details very pleasurable. I just wanted to make a gesture that might re-create some of my enthrallment and share the moment.

Thank you to those who came for the opening.

Existential psychic trauma

I have always been a voracious reader, but these days it has been a pleasurable obsessive escape. Alan Bennett downstairs, F.Scott Fitzgerald upstairs, Virginia Woolfe on the stairs.
I have a book pile in the loungeroom, teetering, begging for my eyes.
Just went to the library and got some more books out.
And on the weekend I was lent one.
Hm, going to do some heavy reading as soon as this show us up. Can't wait to get in there, I am ready for it.

Chorus of frogs

(Made Mole chicken for this on Sunday, urgh! Weird dish, not one I would try again.)
My neighbours have a pond, and a few weeks ago I saw tadpoles, well, they have hatched and now there is a symphony of sounds out the back. I am hoping they will feast on the cockroaches and spiders, (please!).
Just returned from a concert at Angel Place, wonderful music, very transporting. Tremendous Bach, so great; "Wo gehest du hin?" - Where are you going. Choral clarity, and purity. Such energy, it goes so quickly when you're enjoying it. I just get lost in it. Forget myself and become so involved in the music, it is very great.
Came home and barely saw a soul. It's exciting going out at night when you haven't been out at night for a while. I really noticed the trees, they look so otherworldly in the artificial lights, and the waxy bushes with their hush tones. I look up and see the Southern Cross, and feel happy and safe in it's formation.
Feel strong today, have taken my sustenance, and now the outcome is due.

Beach this morning

Sub-fucking-lime...these gentle waves and clarity in the water, aqueous humour. I took to launching myself from the side of the wave, underneath the great roll, again and again, delighting in the quaking whites above and the layers of lines and colour beneath, a shaft of light that rolls along the sand, a beam of beauty, crazy beautiful, and the greens going back into the distance, oh my, it is the most ebullient thing. I lasted an hour, and could die there from the heaven it provides.

Now to work, and do the right thing perhaps.

Lost in a moment

Dahlias on the table before me, hyacinths to the right of me. A cup of fresh hot lemon verbena tea to drink and the day splays itself out to me. Morning sun lights the wafts of smoke from my cigarette, there is a chill in the air for sure now. I feel like a still life, just existing, and wishing I could just float through, observing and making notes in a gentle book. My capacity for stillness has never been so strong, is it my autumn years making me feel this way?
This is all I want, I think.

The 'F' word

Went to Feminism conference today with Elvis and was reminded of the plague of troubles and issues facing women the world over. Haven't been to a conference regarding these issues in 20 years and realise how little has changed and how much there is to be done. Surrounded by a hall full of these strong and committed women, I felt their strength and my weakness and ineptitude. Going to have to stand up and not be nice anymore. But I really believe a lot lies in the hands of men, to take responsibility and also stand up against harassment or abusive behaviour. To assist in enabling a 50/50 policy that includes women in all areas.
I felt so moved and inspired in the morning session, revived in fact, my beliefs strengthened, and my desire to change the world re-awakened. But also feel this consternation about how to assist in making this happen...what can I do? Such a powerful reminder of suffering bullshit, and all the immorality of modern convenience.

Hawkesbury River

PJ's bream, freaking out, we tossed it back. Healthy spider's webs dot the grasses like tall ship's rigging, plenty to feast on.


Thanks to the great Polkinghorne family, PJ and I got to spend three whole days up at the Hawkesbury, lazing by the river, relaxing on the sunny verandah and walking along the mangroves, investigating the wondrous swamps. The hardest part was leaving. 3 days of relative silence, fires at night and just the sounds of the wind in the trees, the birds, the occasional motorboat, and at night the possums fighting. So beautiful and peaceful, such a place.
On the first evening there, I was doing some yoga on the porch and heard some strange baby crying, then laughing, coming from right next to me. I was alone in the house, and got so frightened, I just froze. It seemed to be coming from the old metal trunk I was next to. I reconciled myself to the fact that it was haunted, and so my suspicions of ghosts were true.
When PJ came back from fishing I told him what had happened, sounding like a crazy person, and of course he opened the trunk and found an electronic baby doll.
Gosh I was relieved.
We went for a walk on Sunday through a swamp that I had never crossed before. We came to a barge on the river, that we could board, and we sat in the sun and ate our picnic. It was divine.
The only troubling thing was the mosquitoes, I have never seen such voracious insects. Besides that, seeing the new developments occurring along the river, gradually encroaching on the land, every year a little more...

Beauty #1234

Had a beer on the platform while waiting for the train last night. It was twilight and a big moon skulked between clouds. For once I didn't have my headphones on, so I got to enjoy the evening sounds of crickets and frogs, the distant clatter of cutlery and the divine wind rustling the gum leaves. It was very special.
Every day I get to experience life after Japan, and I notice more things to take my time. I have always loved trees, but now I love them in a whole new way. I have always worshipped nature in general, whereas now, within the new context, I am devout about it.
Yesterday I went for a walk and found some beautiful blossoms I had never seen before, so I brought some home and am regarding them as priceless treasures. They are from an introduced tree in Pleasant Avenue that has a green trunk and major thorns all over the smooth bright green bark. They inspired me to make a new work.

Wondrous moon and Opera House sails, last night's concert was 'Ode to Liberty', an entirely abhorrent work which I endured because I was too polite to leave.

Land maggots

Went to Canberra and experienced some awe-inspiring views of landscape at Lake George...vastly spacious and empty of obstruction, I cannot get over it, nor can I get enough of it, all I know is I must return and explore that area. Since I was there last a wind farm has been built, so it is even more surreal to look at. I have always passed through that area with a yearning desire to halt and devour, so to say, but now I know how necessary this is. It was very exciting and reminded me of why I live in Australia.
A week ago I heard the term 'land maggots' used regarding sheep...it amuses me, yet in a way it describes humans as well, being nurtured by the earth.
Directly on arriving in Canberra a large flock of cockatoos flew high above in a cluster, circling against the bluest skies, with a fringe of great grey gums to the side, and I was happy.

Wine flows

In to my mouth, I swallow and speak all sorts of inanities. What shit I talk sometimes, excited to be listened to, crap just flows out of me. Sometimes a good idea is in there, and I love the responsiveness of others...don't we all want to see nodding and hear 'yes, I understand', exchanges of the heart and mind.
Tonight I was particularly bad, just watching it whizz by, hours of socialising then home and now it is late late and I cannot get to sleep. Wine working it's way through my systems...
Oh Blog-friend, you are a diary of sillies, capturing and publishing these renderings. Little soap box of attention, reaching out amongst the millions of others, who might be reading my words and seeing the pictures in their own minds.
I love that words create pictures for the reader, forming whole dioramas, based on your own experience and knowledge. Maybe we have already made up our minds about a certain someone, and read their work with a quaking feeling of sickly interest, for example, or in a judgemental way. Who doesn't judge? I know I am doing it a lot of the time, but would hate to be judged by me...I was told the funniest things are sometimes the most truthful. But I hesitate in using this as a confessional.
I like to scroll through blogs, just hitting 'next blog' after surveying what the www has to offer.

That said, I had a power day today with some enjoyable workings in the studio and the flow began well and proper. Unfortunately tomorrow I am minding the show at Chrissie Cotter and am then going to Canberra for 3 days, so reserve a place for me at the art table for next week as visions are requiring reality.

Concert

Last night's Chamber Orchestra concert threw up a few surprises, but the end work was all I was there for...I got a ticket as it advertised an oboe concert, but by Vaughan Williams, and it wasn't much chop. But the end piece was JS Bach, with oboe and it was so moving and wondrous, I could just take it in my heart and soar all night. The timbre, the timber, the hollow voice of that instrument, it does something for me deep inside, and is like a lozenge for my soul. I take it in and it soothes my being, I can't get enough. All other instruments pale in comparison.
That said, when I got to the train station, the sounds of the approaching trains were reminiscent of some of the stringed instruments I had been listening to. Classical music enhancing contemporary life, and what is more, being reflected in this time.
I love oboe works by Bach, Marcello, Albinoni, Handel, Britten, Schubert, Vivaldi, Haydn, Strauss, Pasculli, Schumann, Telemann, Mozart and finally Morricone...I want to hear them all simultaneously.

Gadigal land

A small group of us went over to the North Shore to take up the walk where we had left off. It was a very warm day, and even 3 Liters of water wasn't enough for a thirsty girl like me. We made it to Hornsby, 21 km! Up and down the whole way, it was amazingly beautiful at some points. I love to see the landscape change as I go along. There were some enormous trees, and some untouched feel, but the next stage should be even more special. At one point I lay on the track and five parrots danced above me, just for me alone, under the blue gums. A leech found me, and some kind strangers both found the leech and gave me a bottle of water.
Hornsby was in full swing when we got there, with a multicultural festival going on. It was fantastic, I had some Korean food, and some satay chicken while watching Highland dancing and then some Macedonian folk.

Generation One

Fantastic dancers.
Smoking ceremony outside the venue, so great to smell the smoke.
Last week we were invited to the launch of a campaign for Indigenous employment. It was a fancy affair, and a great night of Indigenous entertainment and people. I hope it wasn't just tokenistic, because until the Aboriginal flag flies fulltime on the Harbour Bridge, I feel whatever is said and done is just lip service.

Darlings

Saturday at Curl Curl Beach with Zoe and Patrick. How cute are they? I adore having them back in Australia, to play with me.

Cakes!

Over the last little while cakes have been calling out with their colours, shapes and forms.

Hidden

Out at Rookwood Cemetery last night for the opening of Hidden, artworks installed in the grounds. It was an excellent evening, fabulous work and great music. I so loved being out of a gallery situation, and in a setting which is usually associated with memorials of the dead. I spoke with MB earlier and we decided to do a day trip there where we could celebrate life with wine and cheese, followed by a watercolour draw off. I can't wait.
Jamie North's piece was really perfect for the setting, and gave me a lot of love. There were many good pieces, but this was the only one I took a photograph of. I love you JN, very special.

Another day at the beach

Bondi this afternoon,and snorkeling what is more. I tell you, there were many fish there, big garfish and hundreds of others, around the rocks. It was an awesome day, and had gotten quite warm, but the water was delicious and sparkling. What I love about snorkeling is it drowns out the sounds of the above-world and I can luxuriate in that white noise forever. I hate getting out of the water, back to sound, weight and civilisation of our own making.
The schools of fish moving in tandem with their kin, sometimes flitting along the bottom, fighting the currents or just trying to stay on the same area. I am fascinated with watching them construct their behaviour. So different, so many variations.
Lying on the sand with JP, soft brilliant heated granules all around, my fingers so tantalised by the texture and wonder of it's pulverisation, the millions of creatures that live in that medium, silently and dutifully carrying out their business...I could stay there forever, carrying out my business. The sun heating and drying my skin, the sleepy feeling after too much swimming, heaven.

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