Clean living

I don't think I have lived so clean, except for cigarettes, in more than twenty years. I am working in the studio every day, not drinking alcohol, or coffee, and just working. I even stopped watching reality shows on TV dome...
The other night I worked through the night, saw dawn break and then went to bed, hands paralysed from drawing so intensely, and today I got up at dawn and went out for some activity. I made the huge mistake of going on the subway at supreme rush hour, where I was squashed to the point of hysteria, I was watching the faces of people entering the carriage and the excruciating grimaces as the ones behind kept coming in. I've never experienced anything like it, and now know that is what the average commuter gets to experience most every day. Poor sausages.
I sat in a coffee shop (ok, one coffee), and watched the women behind the counter working. Folding and preparing the orders, always cheerfully greeting each customer, only one in thirty made some chit chat. Their boiled eggs appeared from nowhere, and the vast majority of people get iced drinks. I like the mornings, there is less frenzy and pushiness. But I would like to know where those boiled eggs came from, was there a little old lady downstairs sending them up, or is there a specific machine under the counter to cook them to perfection.
I was contemplating this whilst eating my little sandwich, with the crusts removed for me, and I wondered who had made this and when, and where. In the supermarkets there must be kitchens where all the food is prepared, but you just never see behind the doors. And all the riceballs I scoff, who makes them, and where? So many questions about the foods I am idly consuming.
I went to a garbage recycling facility today to view the processes. They tried to make us feel better about our consumption, saying that the total amount of garbage has decreased, yet I could see it everywhere. I was so dis-satisfied, wanting to get out of the bus and look and watch up close, but that was all off limits. I felt I was only being shown a tiny side of the whole process. The landfill areas were impressive and vast, but we couldn't enter them either. Early forests were being planted and you could see these immature trees struggling to grow and I just felt sorry for them, for all the pollutants they would need to combat and all the heat torture they would suffer. They look like Dr.Seuss plants at the early stage, all twisted and insecure.