DAY 2

Saturday
Determined not to starve I set out with all supermarket intentions. I walked around and back three times till I found my way out, and that was a relief. The main street was busy like crazy and once again I just felt ginormous, which I am. Found a supermarket and was doing the shopping, a woman smiled and introduced herself to me, and I nearly cried. Just the least bit of conviviality and I am sobbing. Walked past the aisle with chocolates and things but could not resist some sort of green bean chips. When I opened them I thought they were stale, but then I liked them and ate them all up.
Smelt something nice on the way home and gestured to the seller like a fish, he said no and flapped his arms. Chicken. I got 5 skewers, I let him pick for me. Got home and found 3 of them were innards and skin. The other 2 were delicious though. A few people stared at me, and one man made a ‘wow’ gesture when he saw my gut.
I am feeling very sensitive right now, and came home crying again. What am I doing here? At least I can find the train station now, and will have to face that business again. I was looking through a book last night and there were images of some laquerware and inlaid decorative objects and I remembered why I was here, to see those things, as well as the garbage hunting. I don’t need to go far for garbage, it is rigorously sorted everywhere and there are bags, enough to fill my room, just downstairs. It is a disposable culture, everything is wrapped and put in a bag.
Second day without bread, butter, cheese or sugar. Found some milk though, which means I can have my first cup of tea. I am thinking the headache was caffeine withdrawal.
I am trying to be strong, but inside I am quaking badly.