Covers show at ICAN: Self portrait 2010

My work, a watercolour of the label of Takara shochu bottle. Photographed and printed by CC.

Space

Space and more vast and empty space. Went to Kurnell and there weren't any people there! I can't get over it. A few fishermen, a couple of strollers, but the park was deserted and delightful...I could sing, shout dance, chase cockatoos like a silly girl, lie on the grass, roll around with panties showing, no-one to see except the ghosts of the past. Such an extraordinary place, with the refinery chugging along in the sand dunes, and there is Captain Cook's landing spot. Since I went there last they'd built a platform and installed some information about the Aboriginal response. It wasn't bad.
Watched 'Samson and Delilah' last night, powerful film, tragic and good. I was fascinated by the hand movements that were employed to communicate. Gestures.
I feel so fortunate living here, fortunate to be alive in this era, with all this at my disposal. I went for a walk early this morning, before it got too hot, just strolling, listening to the birds and the early children awake and hammering in homes. Poor parents. It was so nice being out that early, rather than just hitting the computer first thing. Only a few dog-walkers at that hour, grudgingly giving their dogs the chance to roam and take a shit.
Going to finish Murakami's 'Kafka on the Shore' today, I am so enjoying it. I note that whenever I travel, I develop an interest in the place that lasts. The other day I was at the library and I read the New York Times, then the Guardian, then the Japan Times. It is a great aspect of travelling, having that connection with a place. I found a copy of the book on my shelf, un-read. I don't know how many books I have that I haven't read, but it's always a nice bonus, it's like a free library in your own home.
The biggest pine cone I have ever seen

Year of Biodiversity

Heard about this today, and somehow it seemed timely. With the annihilation of various forms of life daily, I assume it is there to remind us of how vital it is to retain as many forms as possible. I haven't killed a single spider since coming back...there have been some giant ones inside and I just get a bit scared, then try not to look at them. Furry brown flowers I try to call them. The other day when it was so damned hot I came home and found all these dead cockroaches , big and small, the heat had killed them!
Yesterday I had tea with AK and she mentioned trying not to use videos in her work because of the responsibility to the environment. All the minerals that are mined to use for our precious machines and tools. But we live in this era of advanced, although neglectful technology. Do we ignore this and try to live as low impact as we can. Every single thing has impact, just living has impact...I love computers and telephones. I love electricity! My hope is in the microbes that develop as a result of our poisons, and their capacity to consume radioactive waste and by-products of our misdeeds. Humans need to live in collaboration with the natural world, it is a partnership, where everyone plays a role. Except for the illegal negligent toxic dumpers.
Watched "WALL-E" last night and was surprised at Disney's eco-stance, and what a terrific little film it was. In the end credits it listed the production babies and there were a few dozen, in the making of the film I assume all these children were born. It contextualised the film in an important way for me, as it is a notion of the future and the collective responsibility we all have.

Not in Tokyo

.

Nat's pink champers over Petersham
Just here. It was Australia Day/Invasion Day yesterday, what can I say? Very little, going to do yoga, then have a nice drink. Devilish thoughts on my mind, and I wonder why I incite pernicketiness. Is that a word? Oh well, best to you all in whichever country you live in Naughty kids

Easy going

I never fully appreciated, till now, the easy going nature of people here. "No worries", "she'll be right" and "no problems, mate!" are the constants. I like that a lot, being wired to rush but having learnt to ask 'do you mind if...?', to the affirmative. The laconic sauntering has real appeal on a hot summer day, you get a heat rash otherwise!
Not everyone is taking it easy, I have seen a few junkies who are definitely having a hard time, and there are many people in general who are speeding around, freaking out I am sure. Life here seems very casual, for the most part, in attire and in attitude. That said, I have still seen a fair bit of aggression and raised voices. Poor sausages.
I had lunch in Hyde Park today with my Dad, then we spent an hour watching the outdoor chess game in action. I loved the whole scenario, predominantly men sitting and standing, sometimes discussing moves and each internally playing, the pigeons walking on the board, the slow calculations that each watcher was performing. The players and their 'cool', sometimes lifting a piece, other times giving it a push with their feet. The game requiring no money, just time and knowledge of the rules. The little offshoots of players on the sidelines, keen enough to bring their own boards. The cliques of fellows who knew eachother from way back when, and those just dropping in and settling for a gander. So relaxed, and civilised. Ancient game.
Fellow at Circular Quay with collected feathers

Driving to the beach

Late afternoon, and a storm was advancing. Carla and I were racing the clock, trying to get there before a downpour. Big grey turmoil in the sky, incredible clouds seething and energy shattering. Long lightning strikes out at sea, and the peals of thunder in the distance, exciting. The water was cold and beautiful, I swam, I could have swum 100 miles, it was so delicious after the hot day. Green underwater, sublime feeling of satisfaction, visually and physically.
I couldn't take my eyes off the sky when I came up for air, sun breaking through the gaping holes, attempting to reach land. Fascinating pictures formed by the clouds, I saw my Grandmother in the sky. But no rain, just warnings.
Got home at 8pm, time for dinner. We had bought falafel rolls, which weren't great, but I was hungry and ate it with thanks. Time to put on some music and sing softly.
I think I am in love with life.

Party starter

All you can eat sushi at the Ivy, check.
Karaoke last night at Echo Point, check. Denim and lace, check. Substantial quantities of sake, check. Blistered vocal chords, check. Stomach muscles aching from laughing, check. Slaughtered songs (unmerciful): 30 hits in 3 hours.
We hit the mikes with a passion and enthusiasm that only the terribly worst singers in the world would do.
When I left I said to the staff, "very bad singers". They cracked up as they had been watching our substantial efforts on the screen with delight.
Oh, the humiliation! The fun!


Jane, Mayhem and I: butchers

Urban nature

I saw this sign on a hoarding in Tokyo; "Urban nature". It struck me as a good title and I am still thinking about it. I return to the tropical greenery here and am awed. Maybe as I haven't gone bush since returning, I have found Sydney surprisingly satisfying in the nature stakes. My backyard beauty fills me with love every time I go out there and gaze, the vista of layered greens and textures. Filtered dappled light enthused with chlorophyll. I can't get enough of looking at that beauty.
The architecture of trees, their limbs forming a painting, perfect and natural. I admire the branches and where the twigs grow out at random places, but all in unison with eachother. The variegating shades of green. Why do I love the colour so much I keep wondering. Is it that it is the coolest colour on your eyes, if a shade cloth is green you immediately feel cooler. Is it perhaps that as omnivores we are hard wired to enjoy the presence of leaves, and relate it to fertility and therefore food. It is symbolic of ideas of farming and plenty.
In the city, the trees are controlled, their roots destroy buildings and the branches drop all over the place, but when you get further afield, the trees are bigger and more natives. I cherish the gum tree at the front of our house, it gives us shade and I can lie in bed watching the gum leaves flickering in the light. When I go to the park at night I see the electric lights make the silver in the leaves look like they are shot through with light, like molten silver glimmering and glistening.
The other day I did yoga in the park, head on the ground. It was awessomely better, with the trees all around, and the earth transmitting it's vital energy to my vitals. We formed a unison, and I swore I will do it outside more often.

You beaut country

Yesterday I walked to Bronte beach. Such a wonderful day, very clear skies and a great breeze. I just needed to stretch out, put on some music and move. I nearly fell over, as I was gobsmacked by the colour of the sky, which the camera cannot capture whatsoever, it just made me gasp, it's velvet depth and magnitude. I stopped a few times for lunch and stretching, got lost and then found my way again. Had to ask an English tourist for directions!



Got to the beach and entered the water, the surf was so rough, the flags were 2 meters apart, and it was full on. I loved it, I just felt the strength of the ocean, and didn't stray far out, Just kept safe and still got knocked over. Screaming and laughing, bumping bodies everywhere, out of control. I love the contrasts between different beaches. It was so sublime, and I took the bus home feeling replete.
This morning I got up at 5am to join Lisa at Flemington flower markets
and see the sun rise. It was lovely, and such a great thing to do. I am addicted to new stimuli that's for sure. Tired now. House full of the smell of tuberoses.

New Post

Saw Lynette Wallworth's video works on the weekend. The crying women got me, I just can't see another person cry without joining in. Oh sadness, so familiar. And well contrasted with great joy. You touched the screen, and a woman would approach and place her hand where yours had been and she just looks out with tears welling in her eyes...reminds me of Bill Viola's work. Nice and dark in there so you could have a cry on your own.
Then PJ and I went to the Supacenter and bought appliances we have been holding off buying like forever. It was disgustingly exhilerating, a new vacuum, a new camera, a new blending thing...total consumerism. The guilt I feel spending money when the Haitians are starving and in hell...only tempered by a donation to Medicins sans Frontiers.
Sunday was PJ's birthday so we had some fun going to Josie's bbq then dashed home for a little party with the seven layer torte and a few people came around. It felt a bit special and afterwards I took him to our favourite sushi restaurant where we ate like a King and Queen, and had to take our leftovers home for later. Finally felt like I was ingesting the real thing, but no shiso...I have no idea why they can't grow that stuff here. Agedashi tofu love
Came home and Oska was at the door, so we got pussy love and watched the 1954 original Godzilla film, which neither of us had ever seen.
Today the weather was magnificent. I rode my bike to M'ville Metro and busted the brake cable on the way there, I need a new bike! JFC, every day things break and need fixing/replacing, it is endless. But the big news is I got my L plates, so watch out you lot on the road, Goffers is coming! I was so thrilled.
Then Carla came around and took me to Coogee where the water was warm, and we swam while it was still light. Fantastic water. It is hard for me to get my work done when the weather is so good.

Car is fixed

Saturday morning, and the weather is looking like a top beach day. Have baking to attend to (cake, not me). Dead rat smell has abated, thank goodness. Have a long list of things to attend to, but writing seems like the best way to formulate plans.
Had a great day yesterday with lots of action and achievement, sometimes it is good to bite off too much to chew. Running around and seeing people, making phone calls and getting lots done. I think it is from drinking green tea all day, just bag tea, but it gives you a green hit that powers you from the inside, and I went to the doctor to get the results from my blood tests and she said they have never been better and I can begin reducing my medication. I am no longer at risk of diabetes. My advice to those in danger: 'Go East'.
Last night's opening at ICAN was super fun, partly due to Carla's brilliant Sangria drinks, and partly because the love was there. Good work, interesting people and lots of fun. Dinner afterwards was a long drawn out affair, and surprisingly relaxed.
The car is running perfectly, and I have high hopes for this to continue. Will it get us over the mountains? We will see.

Went to the mall

Didn't know which side of the street to walk on. Disconcerted a number of other pedestrians as I was obviously not on the correct side. Couldn't believe how spacious and empty the shops were, nor how little merchandise there was to choose from. Enjoyed being able to ask where something was, I know how some things work and could multi-task! It was so little effort compared to how I used to feel about it. In fact Sydney is a breeze these days, getting somewhere is so much easier than I remember it. I just walk there, sometimes in the middle of the road, as there is so little traffic.
Where is everybody? It is still school holidays so I must have a different perception, but before I went to Japan, I thought Sydney was at maximum capacity. Ha! Now I know better. Although when I was walking up the travelators I bumped a couple of people and didn't say sorry. I had to ask Lisa whether I should or not, she reminded me that I should, Australians like their personal space, and you need to acknowledge them. Point taken! Thats what pissed me off the most in Japan.
There are alot of Asian students down at Broadway and all of a sudden my interest has piqued. I never paid much attention, after all they are just people, doing their shopping but now I notice and listen as to where they might be from, and if they are Japanese, my ears prick up and I listen hard. I miss hearing the voices, and lovely words. I have even followed some.
In the sushi bar I was in the other day, I loitered near the counter trying to catch the discussions in the kitchen. I am too shy to say 'oh yes, I was just in Tokyo for 3 minutes..' so I keep mute. But I was disappointed that when I walked in they didn't greet me as they used to, in Japanese, nor do they say goodbye anymore in Japanese. Why not? What happened?
It is early and the birds are singing beautifully. I can't believe how quickly the week has gone by, and am looking forward to making PJ's birthday cake on the weekend. And getting a new camera, I am hanging out to take photos again. Its funny, before I left I only used it occasionally, but now I have got the bug, and whenever I am out, I want to record the every day.

As the weird world rolls on

Quote from;
Paul Auster novel "Man in the Dark". Another haunting beauty, full of pain, war, death and lamentation. The segment on objects in films was profound and spoke clearly to me. Synchronicity in reading this, following Ian McEwan's "Saturday" and Auster's novel; "Oracle Night", both read in Tokyo. A trilogy of books that make my journey in reading even more intense and timely.
Now I mourn, the concepts in those three books are to be mulled over and I might have to buy some Viz comics or something, to reverse the sorrowful feelings.
Life is precious. Everything matters. We must embrace what we have, as it is so temporary and fleeting.

The rats are dead

Under the house, and I can smell their corpses rotting. Not nice. I don't know how many there are but the lounge room is putrid and we are sitting in the garden being devoured by mosquitoes.
But on to more pleasant things;
Yesterday I went to Clovelly Beach with Jane P. For the first time I wore a mask and got to see the revelations below the water. Allow me say it was miraculous and enthralling. I am hooked. I have swum there hundreds of times and always seen the snorkelers happily chasing ghosts, but this time I was part of the underwater gazing crowd.
I can see pretty well underwater, without goggles, but not details, just colour and movement. To see the landscape I had swum so often and the fish that live down there was incredible. I'd had no idea about the amazing rocks that form at the mouth of the bay. The beautiful undersea mosses and sea urchin, the textures and grasses, the weeds and shells, let alone the plethora of fish, it was like discovering a new world. I was braver than I have ever been, as I could see my way and went out deeper than ever, although the water got very cold at the mouth.
I sat on some warm rocks and fiddled with the the shells clinging on. I like to pull them and make them stiffen! It is good for their muscles. I can't believe how strong they are, I can't get a single one off. It was 6:30 in the evening and the sun was out and semi-naked people were relaxing all around me and I thought, this is Sydney, this is what it is about.
I got alot of work done before going out, and when I got home I could see the efforts of the day piled up, and felt replete.
One more action with the peach tree, and I heard the branch crack. Shit, it's had it. I've broken the poor branch. Slow and steady? Ha! Goffman weight desperately ripping apart a defenceless tree. I live and learn.
The back yard jungle is so beautiful, and I must find another branch I can work with over the next few months. It was a pleasure to do, and helped me feel connected to Japan, with this minimal act. I loved hearing the cicadas, the birds, the wind, the frogs and the ephemeral sounds that ensue from neighbour's homes. I loved the concentrated effort of doing one thing, wholly and completely. But I was too much for the tree.

Hedonism

So, three different beaches in three days. This is the life I like. On Sunday it was so hot, so we went to Nielsen Park in the late afternoon. There were so many people there, it was like a Sydney Festival event. But out in the deep water there were only a couple. I swam very close to the shark net, admiring the appearance of the waves rolling in from the Manly ferry. Beautiful, mesmerising water. Felt reborn once again.
We brought sandwiches and tea and had a lovely picnic, watching the families pack up and all that flesh depart. I can't believe how big women's boobs are here! It is stunning. Watching the people queue to wash their sandy feet at the one tap, it is very important to get all the sand off! Watching the children take turns chasing the birds, and their parents frustratedly tugging at them to get them home.
I wish I had known about the sea lice though, I got nibbled on something terrible and am itching like crazy!
Monday was my first day on my own, as PJ went back to work. I really tried to keep myself motivated and not fall into any of my old patterns, and think I did quite well. I have a list as long as the house of things to do, so I seized time and made my way. Frustrations and small successes, it wasn't too bad. Finished one work. The internet stopped working, as did the telephone so I went out and did some stuff, and thankfully when I got home they were working again. Lifeline!
The most surprising aspect of the day was hearing a little bell tinkle at the front door, and opening it, I found a very sweet, very beautiful and friendly cat called Oska, who came in and wanted cuddles and play. He stayed with me for an hour, delightfully. Later that evening when I was cooking dinner, what do you know? He returned and stayed till midnight. PJ and I were very happy.
Carla, Mila, Sugar and I went to Sydney Park to explore the new playground at dusk. We found it absolutely great. Swings I could fit on, slides and great rubberised hillocks to run up and down. All very adult (and child) friendly. Fun.
I love not having to put on extra clothing when I go out, I so appreciate the lightness of being, and the simplicity. The sun is out late, and all the solar energy nutrifies me and my heart. There are hardly any people around, which gives me the freedom to flap my arms and sing if I am so inclined.
In Japan, it felt so inhibited to me, if you sneezed, a dozen people would turn around. Here you can make a fool of yourself in public and nary a soul will notice.
Unfortunately, these same liberties are enjoyed by all, and when I was up the road I saw some awful things, me and my good eyesight, they are too disgusting to write about, but thats what you get in a society that has no rules.

PACIFIC OCEAN

Now there are 2 larikeets dead on the power lines outside
Pacific gave great green glass walls of water yesterday, cold and fabulous. Big waves, lots of rip, no worries for me. I relish the underwater, and can see for miles. When I come up for air occasionally I frolick in the foam, it is total fantasy.
Sit by the edge of the water listening to the children scream in delight and remember being a child and the excitement. I see those kiddies and think they are hooked, they have found a favourite thing that is greater than anything else.
I love being a bit further out than anyone else, and being between 2 big waves and for a few instants you can imagine you are in really deep ocean, way away from land, but then I get scared and duck down to the sandy bottom again.
We bought a car on Friday, drove the shit out of it on Saturday and now it is fucked. Ripped off! Parramatta Road car salesmen are the devil. Have to check the contracts, urgh! We are such suckers. Camera died as well.
Went to the RSPCA shelter to find a doggy, and there weren't many, so we just looked at one, but the guy said we weren't suited. I was sad. Oh well, we began. Saw many great cats though. First things first.
It is massively hot this weekend, I had forgotten what it was like. I feel like a walking zombie unless I am wet. Watercoloring today and the Necks tonight, live!

Paper covered

Selected Poem by e.e.cummings

but if a living dance upon dead minds
why,it is love;but at the earliest spear
of sun perfectly should disappear
moon's utmost magic,or stones speak or one
name control more incredible splendor than
our merely universe,love's also there
and being imprisoned,tortured here
love everywhere exploding maims and blinds
(but surely does not forget,perish,sleep
cannot be photographed,measured;disdains
the trivial labelling of punctual brains...
__Who wields a poem huger than the grave?
from only Whom shall time no refuge keep
though all the weird worlds must be opened?
)Love
1923-1958

Why are

openings so absurd? Because you see people you want to talk to and trying to get to them is laden with difficulties...other people you don't necessarily want to talk to. And if you are speaking to someone, you may see someone come in who you like and you may give them a little wave of acknowledgement, but that interrupts the person that you are with, and if you don't say hi to this new person they may think you are rude, and then thats not very nice is it.
Openings are thwart by problems, and last night I went to one and got my ears battered, and kissed far too many people, and came away feeling shell-shocked and wasted, after only one hour. So dis-satisfying and hectic, so empty and frustrated, I just missed Yanaka so much and wished to be in minimal land.
PJ said it well, it is all the stopping and starting, the interruptions, which do not facilitate dialogue, it seems so empty and insignificant. I like all those people, and just wish for the chance to be one on one with them, but the hurly burly means you talk to one person and then turn and start with another without honouring that initial person, it is ridiculous.
Let alone not see the art.
I think next time I go, I should just wear a red costume, and dash in, congratulate the artists, then get the hell out!

This life

Crap $50 lunch from local Sushi Train, oh god what am I going to do?
PJ and I cycled to the wetlands in Sydney Park and spotted many different types of birds. The most exciting were a group of spoonbills, such big and busy birds, so cool! The sun was hot and the breeze cool, it was such a nice day.
In the morning I lay under the peach tree reading my book and feeling peace with the world.
In the evening I tackled the peach tree again, much harder work for some reason, but I can feel the branch beginning to give.

Water

It is a great thing to swim. I penetrated the waters at La Perouse yesterday, diving into green liquid glass, rolling waves, quite cold but oh so good. The view from underneath, incredible. Golden sandy bottom moving into an aquamarine blue and then tones of green I can't describe. The occasional Coral outpost is dark with seaweeds and looms ahead like a big haven for the fishes. I swim and swim and swim, I feel like I could swim across the bay but am too afraid of deep water.
Glorious beauty, I wish I could breathe underwater without apparatus, I want to stay down there for a long long time in that virtually soundless landscape. It is my medium and I am so joyous in there. So light, so free, and happier there than anywhere on the planet, as yet.
Mila and my foot
Fully multicultural groups, Lebanese, Chinese, Islander, whiteys, Greeks, Italians, Japanese, people from all over the world converging on the edge of the ocean. I can't get over their stereotypical voices...it cracks me up. All of us unified by our love for this place, the sand, the sun, the water.

Big walk today

My friend Janice and I began the first leg of the Great Northern Walk today, Woolwich to Newcastle, 250 kilometers. We managed 19 km, mostly through National Park. It was very beautiful, very few people, lots of lizards, and winding up and around rivers and escarpments. We found some sacred sites, and traversed varying landscapes. A great day, not too hot. Feel good now, and we decided to do the walk gradually over the year.

Frogs, spiders, lizards, cockroaches, ants, flies, mosquitoes, fruit flies, beetles, moths, bats, mice and rats:

The wildlife.
Making my way to the bathroom last night I encountered all of these, bar the last two, and nearly stepped on the frog. It is one from the tadpoles I raised! Coming home for some loving, or some yummy egg yolk and boiled lettuce.
Life sure is funny. Here are a few photos.